Euphoria*

*an exaggerated sense of happiness and well-being. It is also one of the final stages before death, when you aren't eating and on heavy drugs for extended periods of time. Mom entered this stage yesterday and decided she wanted to have a party with friends and family bringing their favorite foods and treats. Very spur of the moment...


She even ate a teeny amount of chicken divan and a dill pickle, she has really been craving the pickle. It was a fun time spent with laughter and a few tears, people coming and going, and Mom as the entertainment. She goes along talking normally and then drifts off or freezes mid sentence leaving you hanging, or asks strange questions. Once we were talking about the blessing on Sunday and she said, "Wait! Didn't you say they were going to tax you on Lila because she was born in a different county?" She is a funny lady, she stuck a ring in her bellybutton (or what is left of it after so many surgeries) and was talking about piercing her tumor.
Then she thought maybe a tattoo instead... something along the lines of "Cancer Sucks".

Yup, that's my mom... always the life of the party!

Update on my mom

Things aren't really good right now. Up until yesterday Mom had been holding steady as far as pain and that all went, but the tumors are growing and the end is coming. She was having horrible bouts of pain that the drugs weren't controlling very well, to the point where she was begging Heavenly Father for release. She compared dying to labor once, and that is exactly what it sounded and looked like last night, only the labor pains aren't going to stop. The hospice nurse came this morning and they have started the drugs on a I.V. so that she won't have the pain anymore. The result of this decision, we have been told, is that soon she will be comatose until her body is ready to give up its fight. What a blessing it has been for all of us to have these last two months where she has been able to talk and laugh and be with us. It will be hard for her to be here and yet not be here. I wish that I could put into words all the beautiful experience that we have been able to share with family and friends, but I am not equal to that task right now. If you have a box of Kleenex then click here to go to my Uncle Kevin's blog and read a beautiful story of their trip to San Fransisco last November. And please know how much my mom loves all of you, my friends and family. She is still Kim, even if a slightly fuzzy version of herself. She is still directing people from her bed, making sure everyone is getting enough to eat and drink, asking if the garbage cans were set to the curb, organizing where her book group will meet tonight... taking care of everyone else between bouts of nausea and telling us she is hanging on until the 29th because then her funeral will be completely paid for. I love her so much. I hope that I will be able to be the same kind of wife, mother, sister, daughter and friend that she has set such an example for me. While we were waiting for Lila to be born, Mom would hold Huck and say, "Angels come and angels go..." and angels are all around us right now. Heavenly and earthly varieties. Thank you to Paula and Sandra and Susan, and all the sweet women who have come in and taken care of my mom and my family. Your love and sensitivity and selfless service have been truly been a blessing to us.

Randomness at Wal-mart

We went grocery shopping Saturday night. As you might guess, with 3 small children and a husband who can't walk very well, it takes quite awhile for us to accomplish this. Brian burned through two motorized cart batteries and then ended up walking with a regular cart for the last 20 minutes. (We entered the store at 7:30 and left at 10:15.) As I turned down the aisle of paper products we came upon a pyramid of paper towels completely blocking the aisle. Jake and Evie thought that was so cool and a total photo opportunity. (Since I don't normally take a camera along to grocery shop, we had to settle for the camera in my phone which isn't great quality.) But I found it quite funny too, that someone had built this monument to disposable absorbency. As I took the snapshot of my kids in front of the pyramid a Wal-mart worker came around the corner, took one look at it and then snapped at me, "What the H*** is this?!" I responded mildly, "I don't know, we came down the aisle and found these all stacked up..." But inside I am thinking, "That's right, a mom with three babies in their jammies and two cartloads of groceries is going to take the time at nine o'clock at night to build a paper towel pyramid." Lucky for her my sense of the ridiculous was stronger than my outrage at being falsely accused. (Actually, I kind of secretly wish I had the time and creativity to be that spontaneous and crazy sometimes.) I think the silliest thing I've ever done in a grocery store is singing cereal jingles with Haylee. What about you all, what is the craziest thing you've done in a grocery store? (And please remember, this is a family site... keep it clean!)

Sleep deprived...

I am NOT a morning person, never have been. I am especially not a morning person when I am up and down all night feeding a baby. (side note* I really wanted to hit my husband this morning when he looked at me feeding Lila for the 6th time since 3 am and said, "So, she slept good last night, huh?" I managed to refrain from saying anything more snide than, "Just because she didn't wake you up does not mean she slept well." I think he got the point.) But I will admit that I was already more than a little testy because Jake came up stairs with his typical "I can't go to school... I don't feel good" routine. He was quite firmly sent downstairs to get dressed and came back up 5 minutes later crying and covered with vomit. I think he threw up all over the downstairs on purpose because we wouldn't believe that he was sick. I need to read him the story about the boy who cried wolf...
So here I sit watching My Friends Tigger and Pooh, with Lila in her bouncer, a sink full of dirty dishes, an overflowing hamper, a stripped bed, and having scrubbed the carpet in half the rooms in my house. Oh crap, the 2 year old just woke up. So much for a nap. I am not getting dressed today.

8 years down... Eternity to go.

Today is our anniversary, eight long, messy, crazy, beautiful years. And what do we have to show for it? Well, for starters we are still married. Not bad in a world where most people call it quits the first time the going gets hard. We have a great home in a neighborhood we love, two cars, three great kids, and no pets. Yeah... I'd say we are living the dream.

Count your blessings...

Our church block changed from 1 pm to 9 am, this photo was taken at 9:20 am this morning as we were once again running late. We are still trying to figure out how to get out the door, looking presentable, on time. (Whoever said Sunday was a day of rest was obviously not a mother of young children...)
We were too late to get a seat in the chapel so we sat through sacrament meeting in the foyer. Jacob was quietly reading the February issue of the Friend when he leaned over and whispered to Brian, "Dad, you need to get some adversity. It will make you stronger." Brian said, "I've already got some, bud. My legs not working is an adversity." He went on to explain that the kind of strength adversity gives you is spiritual, not physical. (If adversity gave us physical strength Brian would be running Iron Man triathlons and pulling school buses and moving mountains.) My boys are pretty sweet together though, I love watching Brian having a "daddy moment" and teaching his son. I am also glad that my children don't see their dad as disabled, they just know that he is their dad who loves them and takes care of them. So in spite of the adversity we have in our life, we also have a lot of blessings to count.

Sisters

Evie loves to hold Lila, so far she always asks us first and doesn't try to just pick her up...

Haircut

Saturday was a big day for us, Evie got her first haircut! I know it isn't anything drastic (thank goodness) but they actually took off about two and a half inches. I was pretty nervous, but since she still has enough hair to play with, it all turned out ok. I was really surprised at how much older it made her look, just trimming off the fine baby hair ends and making it all even.

Yeah is not a bad word...

I don't know if anyone else has dealt with this with their children, but for the last little while we have been trying really hard to teach Evie how to graciously accept a compliment. She gets compliments everywhere we go, on her hair, her outfits, or just told that she is so pretty. (As her parents we completely agree with these people's astute observations, but we also don't want her to get a swelled head or think that outer beauty is more important than inner beauty...) Her standard answer was usually to tilt her chin to her shoulder, bat her eyelashes and say in a sweet little voice, "Yeah." So for the past week or two we have been trying very hard to instill the concept that when someone gives you a compliment you say "thank you, not yeah..." Well, today in the grocery store the lady in line behind me began to talk to my kids, and told them they were very cute and smart, and she was very impressed with Evie's hair-do. They in return were more than happy to visit with her and share all their combined knowledge of the world the way only a 2 and 5 year old can. In response to something Jacob told her she said politely, "Oh, yeah?" And Evie piped right up and told her, "We DON'T say yeah, we say thank you!" (Ok, so she may not totally get the point yet, but at least she'll sound more polite, right?)

She cracks me up. Her little personality is just coming out stronger and stronger every day. A little while ago she was watching her dad struggling to walk across the room and she said out of the blue, "Daddy, just get over it and walk." We looked at each other in shock then burst out laughing. She is just outrageous sometimes. One day I was doing the dishes and Evie was coloring at the counter. When I yelled down to Jake to ask him to do a dish-run through the house she looked at me and said, "Sheesh Mom, will you we-lax?" It is so hard to not laugh and tell her that she can't talk to adults like that. She also loves to say the blessing on the food, but she will NOT shut her eyes while we pray. We are constantly reminding her to do that, and the last time she didn't I asked her why she wouldn't close her eyes during the prayer. She looked at me like I was slow and said, "Mommy, I can't see in the dark." Love that two-year old logic.

*side note: This is my 100th post! It only took me two years. "...and there was much rejoicing... yea!"

5 years old and a conspiracy theorist...

I know that I have been very fortunate in that my children have all been very good eaters and willing to try new foods, but lately Jake has started to be more picky... sort of. He isn't really big on starches, usually doesn't like potatoes or bread too much. Yesterday we ate dinner at my parents house, roasted chicken, green beans and rolls. This was the conversation while dishing him up...

Me: "Do you want some green beans?" (and on a side note: why do we as parents ask these questions when the reality is, it is healthy and we are going to make them have a little bit whether they want it or not? hmmm...)
Jake: "I'll take the beans, but hold the green."
M: "Ummm, I can't really do that buddy. The beans are green, I can't take off the color."
J: "Well, just peel the outside off."
M: "That won't work. Here take a bite, see? The color goes all the way through."
J: "Ok, fine. I'll eat the green."
M: "Would you like a roll?"
J: "No, I don't really care for rolls."
M: "How come?"
J: (shaking his head) "It's a conspiracy."
M: "What is a conspiracy?"
J: "The rolls, they have a conspiracy to get me to eat them."
M: "Oh? To what end?"
J: "I don't know what their end goal is, they just really want me to eat them."
M: "Ok."
J: (sighs deeply and sounds resigned) "And I guess they have achieved their goal, because I will eat one tonight."

And he did. However today when I offered him a bagel I was informed that all bread products are part of the conspiracy. So, now you know. That is why carbs taste so darn good, it is a massive conspiracy of baked goods.