An anniversary present

Kim Ellis Madsen

Aug. 14, 1958 - Feb. 9, 2009

So in less than 2 weeks it will be the 1st anniversary of my mother's passing. I don't know how I will feel on the actual day, Feb. 9th. I don't know from day to day how I will feel. I have had several people ask me how I am feeling about it and if I have any plans. I do actually have one plan. I am going to cut my hair. I have been growing it out for almost three years now, and it is probably longer than I have had it since I was 5 years old. I am not a long haired kind of girl and for most of my life it has been shoulder length or shorter, now it is halfway down my back. I considered cutting this last summer, but realized if I could hold off for a few more months it would finally be long enough to donate. So that is my plan, to cut and donate my hair on the anniversary of my mother dying from cancer. Hmmm, that sounds kind of morbid stated so baldly... but I think it will help me feel like I am doing something constructive and honoring her spirit, instead of just sitting around feeling sad. Plus I think shedding this weight from my head and undergoing such a dramatic change will help me feel like I am starting fresh and ready to move forward. (I don't know know if you have to be a woman to understand that, but who doesn't love a makeover?)

I have had another idea that I would like to implement and I will need others help with this. One of my cousins has mentioned on more than one occasion that her mother (my aunt) really liked to be able to talk about her mother (my grandmother) and just hear and tell stories about her on the anniversary of her death. And then last night one of my mother's sisters posted on facebook something that my mom had written on her blog a couple of years ago. It made me smile to read the words my mom had written all that time ago, and realize how much sweeter they are now knowing what she was going through at the time.

So my idea, I would love to hear stories from anyone about my mom. Funny ones, happy ones, tender ones, anything. I know all my stories and memories of her, but I would love to read about how others remember her. My blog has comment moderation on it so I get to read them before they get published (that way I don't have people putting spam and ads on my blog...) So I am going to make a file in my email and not read any of them until the day of the 9th. Then I will publish them all at once. Reading each comment will be like unwrapping a present. So please take the time to leave a memory you have of her, even if you've never commented before. And please also put your relationship to her or how you knew her, i.e. friend, co-worker, cousin, ect. Leave as many as you like. This will be such a great gift to myself, my brother and sister, and especially her grandchildren who will get to know her through our memories of her. I think that she would like to see us celebrating her life and remembering her this way.

So I will start by sharing one of my memories. I was 8 years old and we had just moved to our new house in Centerville. It was Saturday night and I had just finished having a bath. My mom came in and helped me get out of the tub and towel off, and then was combing through my hair. She picked me up, wrapped in a towel and said she was going to carry me to my room. Which I thought was kind of odd, but sometimes parents just like to baby their kids. Instead she carried me outside on the front porch (it was almost dark) whipped off the towel and darted back into the house and shut the door! I was in such shock I just stood there naked for a moment before scrambling inside. And as I got older she could never understand why I was such a tease to my brother and sister, she always blamed my dad for teaching me to tease people...

I love you mom, and I miss you everyday.

Which is worse? Congestion or milk through the nose...

Poor Brian has a head cold. Congestion, stuffy nose, coughing... the works. It's been a rough couple of nights with neither of us sleeping very well. Because of that tempers have been slightly frayed and it's been hard to find the humor that normally helps me through the day. Thank heavens for Evie. She gives me a good laugh at least once a day. Tonight it was over the dinner table. Brian had a coughing fit half-way through the meal, and because he is civilized person he turned to the side so that he wouldn't cough all over every one's food. Evie was impressed by this show of good manners and happily exclaimed, "Daddy! You did so good to turn your head and cough!"

R is for... resurrection?

*Disclaimer* This is not as irreverent as it sounds.

My week for preschool. Our subjects were the letter R, the number 5, reptiles for science, gluing for art, and rules for citizenship. It was a pretty relaxed week because of the holiday we only had one day of preschool. Nice. It started off just fine. We did our workbook pages, and then we glued a Rainbow with 5 colors. We followed up by tracing feet and hand prints and numbering our fingers and toes, 'cause there are 5 of those! I was about to read a book called "See you later, Alligator" when Lila had a somewhat spectacular meltdown to announce that it was nap-time. I sent the preschoolers down to play in the toy room for a few minutes while I gave the baby a bottle and laid her down. All of the sudden I heard screaming and laughing, "Oh no! Oh dear! Hyrum is dead!... Oh hooray! Hyrum isn't dead anymore....Oh no, Hyrum is dead!.... Nope, not dead now." I have no idea what they were playing, but this went on for a good 4 or 5 minutes. And it made me chuckle and think, R is for resurrections. Okay, I guess my sense of humor is pretty irreverent.

What a difference nine years can make...

Today is our anniversary. And we celebrated by staring deeply into each others eyes across the dinner table, for about 2.5 seconds. We shared a romantic meal of grilled cheese sandwiches and soup, and a bottle of sparkling cider. We talked, but our conversation mostly consisted of chew with your mouth closed's and please don't interrupt's. There was, miraculously enough, nothing spilled, except soup on my shirt because it was white and unstained.

But you know what? It was a perfect night with my favorite people in the world. And it made me think what a difference children and passing years make on what constitutes a romantic celebration of love. Someday it will be just us again and anniversary dinners will mean dressing up and going to fancy restaurants, and not choosing between buying bread and milk or a dozen roses and chocolates. But somehow, I don't think that they will be anymore special than the years we'll spend sharing them with our three, noisy, crazy, and lovely babies.

Happy Anniversary Brian. Thank you for the three best presents I'll ever get. Here's to spending the next year celebrating our everyday, ordinary life.

A post for Dinee...

One of the best things about having a best friend for 20+ years is that I don't have to do anything more than post this picture to crack her up!

(This is a quilt I saw while window shopping at Anthropologie)

Ha Hah! I am NOT the only one, and I am NOT crazy! But I still love you...

My anniversary present...

On Tuesday we will be 9 years married, not too shabby. We are celebrating with a stay-cation. My wonderful in-laws took the kids for the night. A whole night with nobody needing my help with getting a drink, going to the bathroom, or having a nightmare. I am totally torn between going to bed early and reveling in the fact that I won't wake up to 3 year old feet in my kidneys or perched on 6 inches of mattress while my 6 year old sprawls across my side of the bed, and staying up to hang out with my hubby knowing that we can sleep-in in the morning! Decisions, decisions....

I do have to show off what my sweet husband got for me!


It's just what I wanted! Seriously, I emailed him the link, emailed him a wish-list, and talked about it pretty constantly starting around last August... and he picked up on my subtle hints. :)


He did surprise me with this sweet message on the back. I love them too!

Thanks for being a great husband and father Brian. I love you and am ready to see what the next 9 years will bring us.

Too sleepy...

We have been making a concerted effort this week to all get up in the morning and have a family breakfast before sending the boys out the door. It's a good thing for all of us. But until I get better at going to bed earlier the earlier rising time is not easy. Last night was an especially rough night for me and I lay in bed for hours trying to will myself to sleep knowing that 7:30 was just around the corner. I don't know when I finally fell asleep, but by 7:30 I was not awake. I vaguely remember Jacob asking me something and I thought I told him to have a muffin leftover from yesterday's breakfast. Apparently I didn't.

Brian heard me tell him to go close the girl's bedroom door so they wouldn't wake up, and then I was talking too softly for him to hear. He said Jake got a very confused look on his face, but quickly went to shut the bedroom door. After 5 minutes or so he came back to Brian looking worried. He said, "Hey Dad... what do you think Mom meant when she said 'follow the pattern and then just let it run for a minute' ?" Brian started to laugh and said, "I don't think that Mom is all the way awake, honey." Jake thought it was funny then. "Yeah, Mom was giving me sewing advice!" I think he was quite relieved that he wasn't going to be in trouble for not obeying me.

I really need to go to bed earlier...