The Haircut

Well, today was the day. I cut off 10" to donate to Locks of Love. Of course I got some before and after shots. (Please excuse the before shot, I really am not ticked off, just tired and emotionally dazed.)

Good bye long hair...


...hello new 'do!


Caite came to the salon with me and was inspired to make a change herself.


She decided to go curly and sassy, so we were off to another salon for a perm and cut for her.


Made-over sisters! (Note that we are both wearing yellow in honor of our mother.)


Admiring each other's new styles. (Plus the closest thing I got to a shot of the back of my hair, as you can see I went quite short.)



The funniest part of this to me is that it doesn't feel like a big change. When I saw myself in the mirror for the first time after it wasn't like "Whoa, I look different!" it was much more like, "Oh yeah, that is what I look like... now I remember... hi me." But I still get the fun of getting reactions from people who haven't known me for very long and haven't seen me with short hair. Jake and Evie both said they liked my haircut and that it looks cute. But Lila just stared at me for the longest time with a confused, "Who IS this person" look on her face. I had to go over and pick her up and talk to her for a good 5 minutes or so before she relaxed, then awhile after that she finally came over to hug my leg. She wouldn't look at my face though. She just clung to my leg like, "This is familiar, this is something I recognize..."

So there you go. Before and after, and back to the same old me.

Today has been an emotional roller coaster. One minute I am fine and laughing with someone, the next I am crying. I put on my favorite yellow shirt (even though I was feeling much more like wearing black) because yellow was my mom's favorite color. She was a yellow personality through and through. I also put on a bracelet that I got for Christmas (you can see it in that last picture) that has an angel charm and the word JOY on the toggle. It reminded me of my mom and her mantra "Find Joy in the Journey." Words that I try to live by, as I lug laundry up and down the stairs, sweep my kitchen floor for the 5th time in one day, or pace the floor with a crying baby at 4 am, "joy in the journey...joy in the journey... trying to find my joy in the journey..."

After the haircuts I went to my mom's grave to put some flowers there. A beautiful bouquet of pink tulips my dad had gotten for her. When I got there, someone else had put a bouquet of pink tulips and (I don't know if it was two someones or the same someone...) an inflatable sun. That made me smile and think of her saying "Winter won't last forever." Then I sat for awhile and felt the warm sun on my face and the cold wind freezing the tears on my cheeks. This was the first time that I have gone by myself to her graveside. I sat and thought about all the stories people have shared with me over the last couple of weeks, and missed her until I thought my heart would break.

I thought that two small bouquets of tulips didn't seem enough to celebrate someone who seemed at times to be a living embodiment of Mother Nature. And then I heard her voice in my head. She said, "That is just my body, Chrissy, my spirit can see all the flowers." And I missed her even more, but my heart didn't break. The bitter eased a bit more and the sweet got a bit stronger. And I came home to a bouquet of pink tulips and some sugar cookies on my doorstep, more beautiful stories and even a couple of tributes to her on other's blogs. Thank you everyone for grieving with us and sharing your love of her with us. I know that I was so lucky to have had such an amazing woman for my earthly mother. I am grateful everyday that her's is the voice in my head, urging me to do better, to love more patiently and to find joy in my journey.