Tuesday, March 19, 2013

Venting post- feel free to skip...

I have people tell/ask us all the time, "You've got such a great attitude. With all you've faced, how do you stay so positive all the time?"

Here's the truth. We don't. Not even close. Some days we bump up into a new aspect of living with a disability and it just plain sucks. Sometimes we laugh it off, sometimes we cry and grieve, and sometimes we (mostly me) get mad.

Tonight is a perfect example. I have been fighting my children on the subject of how they are taking care of their spaces and belongings downstairs for a solid month now. Today they came home from school, had a snack and then were sent down to tidy up. Three hours later it looked like a bomb had gone off and I pretty much lost it. I pulled out the garbage bags and prepared to strip their world down to two or three toys each.

Brian, being the good balance that he is for me, talked me down and helped me come up with a plan to let the kids be in charge of deciding what is important to them and understanding that we only have so much space and that it's time to pare down what we are trying to fit in it. (The irony is that this is the same man who can't throw away receipts or owners manuals to products we don't even own anymore!)

But after an hour of doing things his way I was breaking down over the fact that I still have to be the enforcer. I'm the big bad ogre downstairs gathering up the toys and clothing that isn't taken care of. I'm the mean one keeping them on task. I'm the one who ultimately has to deal with the stuff when they won't. And right now I'm the one who is ignored, or argued with, or whined at every single time I open my mouth.

So tonight I am mad that his wheelchair makes me be a single parent when it comes to the downstairs. I am tired of fighting this battle with my children. I am sad because I feel like they don't respect me or listen when I talk. And I am furious that I have to kill spiders.

I am also glad that I have a strong enough relationship with my husband that I can express when I'm feeling mad or bad or sad. I am grateful for the fact that he does help balance me out when I'm struggling to deal with all of this. Most of all I am hopeful that tomorrow will be better, that we will find new and better ways to deal with the challenges that come along.


Amanda said...

Brian's disability aside, you're not the only mom that gets sick of being the enforcer of all horrible tasks in the home (upstairs or down). We regularly have similar episodes here and it has nothing to do with a wheelchair, just personalities and the way tasks are naturally divied up between the two of us as parents. Sometimes I'm the one that's had it with the toy mess and sometimes it's Darrel. Some days I want to throw in the towel, too. I get tired of being the mean mom that has to get them to do homework and piano practice, etc. etc. Anyway, what I'm trying to say is that you're not alone in that aspect of being a mother. There are a whole lot of us out there that know that frustration:) Hope you have a better day today.

April Weeks said...

so called "mean moms"
have productive, responsible,respectful, intelligent and eventually happy children. Because they are taught those things from a person who cares how they will be as a contributing member of society. CARRY ON!