Tuesday, February 9, 2010

The Haircut

Well, today was the day. I cut off 10" to donate to Locks of Love. Of course I got some before and after shots. (Please excuse the before shot, I really am not ticked off, just tired and emotionally dazed.)

Good bye long hair...


...hello new 'do!


Caite came to the salon with me and was inspired to make a change herself.


She decided to go curly and sassy, so we were off to another salon for a perm and cut for her.


Made-over sisters! (Note that we are both wearing yellow in honor of our mother.)


Admiring each other's new styles. (Plus the closest thing I got to a shot of the back of my hair, as you can see I went quite short.)



The funniest part of this to me is that it doesn't feel like a big change. When I saw myself in the mirror for the first time after it wasn't like "Whoa, I look different!" it was much more like, "Oh yeah, that is what I look like... now I remember... hi me." But I still get the fun of getting reactions from people who haven't known me for very long and haven't seen me with short hair. Jake and Evie both said they liked my haircut and that it looks cute. But Lila just stared at me for the longest time with a confused, "Who IS this person" look on her face. I had to go over and pick her up and talk to her for a good 5 minutes or so before she relaxed, then awhile after that she finally came over to hug my leg. She wouldn't look at my face though. She just clung to my leg like, "This is familiar, this is something I recognize..."

So there you go. Before and after, and back to the same old me.

Today has been an emotional roller coaster. One minute I am fine and laughing with someone, the next I am crying. I put on my favorite yellow shirt (even though I was feeling much more like wearing black) because yellow was my mom's favorite color. She was a yellow personality through and through. I also put on a bracelet that I got for Christmas (you can see it in that last picture) that has an angel charm and the word JOY on the toggle. It reminded me of my mom and her mantra "Find Joy in the Journey." Words that I try to live by, as I lug laundry up and down the stairs, sweep my kitchen floor for the 5th time in one day, or pace the floor with a crying baby at 4 am, "joy in the journey...joy in the journey... trying to find my joy in the journey..."

After the haircuts I went to my mom's grave to put some flowers there. A beautiful bouquet of pink tulips my dad had gotten for her. When I got there, someone else had put a bouquet of pink tulips and (I don't know if it was two someones or the same someone...) an inflatable sun. That made me smile and think of her saying "Winter won't last forever." Then I sat for awhile and felt the warm sun on my face and the cold wind freezing the tears on my cheeks. This was the first time that I have gone by myself to her graveside. I sat and thought about all the stories people have shared with me over the last couple of weeks, and missed her until I thought my heart would break.

I thought that two small bouquets of tulips didn't seem enough to celebrate someone who seemed at times to be a living embodiment of Mother Nature. And then I heard her voice in my head. She said, "That is just my body, Chrissy, my spirit can see all the flowers." And I missed her even more, but my heart didn't break. The bitter eased a bit more and the sweet got a bit stronger. And I came home to a bouquet of pink tulips and some sugar cookies on my doorstep, more beautiful stories and even a couple of tributes to her on other's blogs. Thank you everyone for grieving with us and sharing your love of her with us. I know that I was so lucky to have had such an amazing woman for my earthly mother. I am grateful everyday that her's is the voice in my head, urging me to do better, to love more patiently and to find joy in my journey.

14 comments:

Dinee said...

I love your hairdo! Today I've seen some of the other tributes to your mom on blogs, and as comments to your blog. I even read over her blog for a while. I was surprised I didn't cry (I was crying until 2 am so maybe I was out of tears) but felt much happiness and comfort in remembering her today. Your mom had a huge impact on so many lives and her legacy is going to continue on through others for a long, long time.

Sandra & Brent said...

Perfectly spent day, I'd say. I've thought about you all day, Chrissy. I have no doubt that your mom hasn't been far away. Love ya, Sandra

Aimee Kieffer, aka "Momzoo" said...

You look so pretty with your new cut, I love it.

:)

Kamra said...

Chrissy you and Caite look darling! I love the new look. Thank you for letting all of us share in this day with you. You have so many of your mother's qualities. She is looking down on you and is so very proud... I just know it.

Amanda said...

The hair looks fabulous--very stylish on both! I was thinking about you today. The milestones of grief can be a little like aftershocks of an earthquake, I think. They remind you of the loss, but hopefully also remind you that you've made it through the worst parts of it. Hope there is lots more yellow ahead.

Emilie said...

L.O.V.E it! In the first after picture you look so much like your mom.

May the bitter continue to lessen.

Sarah said...

Love the 'do, love the blog, love you. And I mean that.

Hay Dub said...

Beautiful! So adorable. I have been thinking of you all day long. Yellow is my favorite color too. It has been since I can remember. I love that it is your mama's too. In 4 days it will be 10 years since my dad passed. I look forward to getting together with my sisters and talking about my dad and doing crazy things that he did. I am so glad that you did the same. I really enjoyed the blog entry. Love you Christiane!

Elena Loo said...

You both look fantastic!

Lynae said...

That was beautifully written. And your hair looks great!

Mary said...

Thank you for sharing such this anniversary with us all. I'm sorry I didn't write a memory earlier. I read through the comments, and I noticed that both Emily and Lynae talked about the time your mom sang "Santa Baby" at the Christmas party. I confess, that was top on my list too! She apparently made quite an impression on her nieces. :) I think of how much fun she had performing and how she wasn't afraid to be herself and let it out there. Her example encourages me in my own performing.

My thoughts and love are with you and your family.

Elizabeth said...

Love your hair. It was a day beautifully spent in honor of a wonderful woman!

Girly Do Hairstyles said...

Soooooo cute!!! I can't even tell you how much this made my day today. I blogged about it over at Girly Do's.

The Mom @ Babes in Hairland said...

You both look amazing. I LOVE your hair cut - just love it. And what an awesome thing for you to do. Just popping over from Girly Do's post - hope you don't mind!