Tuesday, March 29, 2011

A new perspective?

Sometime between my workout yesterday and today they put giant mirrors up in the gym I go to. The fact that there weren't any mirrors was one of my favorite things about this gym. (For the record, it sounds like they had them before, but they were gone before I started working out there.) I won't lie. I am having a really hard time with the mirrors. (Yes. I know it's only been one day.) It was emotionally draining.

I spend a lot of time and energy NOT looking in mirrors. I haven't for a long time. A quick glance to make sure that nothing is seriously out of place and everything that should be snapped, zipped, or buttoned is snapped, zipped and buttoned, and then move on. I haven't liked what I've seen for so long, that I stopped looking. And it turns out that is a hard habit to break. So to be "forced" to break it in front of other people... well, it was not a great morning.

I felt like I did before I started making changes. I stood there trying so hard not to compare myself to the 110 lb. toothpicks and failing miserably. It felt like everything that I have a accomplished in a relatively short time period just melted away. I couldn't see any of the positive changes anymore, just how far I still have to go.

I am enough of a grown up that I am not going to complain to management and demand they take them down. (Not that I think they would, I'm not that narcissistic.) I'm even mature enough that I won't let this emotional set back stop me from working out there. I just may be the only person in the gym determinedly facing the other direction, which means they can all watch my backside. Yeah...that won't make me feel awkward at all...

7 comments:

Gerritt+Laura= Meagan and Madilynn said...

Ok I feel the same way about the mirrors! I tried to stand in a spot where I could not see myself in them. And tried hard to just look at the instructor or the floor. Why did they have a put them up? I am all for sending anonymous letters to have them taken down.

Emilie said...

Chrissy, you have come SO far. Remember how you are a lot stronger than me....I'm still working on being ok with that *wink*

No one is perfect. And that is just as it should be.

Caitlin said...

Well, Chris--all I can think to say is remember that mirrors show things in opposite. So when you do decide to look in the mirror, and you think all there is to see is bad, remember that's because a mirror doesn't have the capacity to show all the good you carry around with you. It can't show the dedication, hard work, and love that make you who you really are. Mirrors are tricky that way--they never show the whole truth--and you are more than a reflection.

April Weeks said...

Amen to what Caitlin said!

The counsellor I have been going to has been instructing me and this goes for every human being, that we are unrateable creatures because we are so complex that no one can rate us except God because only He can see us in our totality.
We are not our bodies, our illnesses, our behavior or what other people think we are or are not. We can be self accepting because we are human and we are here to learn and grow. And as we see others around us in this light too,we can have less aggrivation and irritation, and hopefully more understanding and love. It isn't an easy thing to change to this way of thinking but I have found it very powerful when I can.

Sandra & Brent said...

Chrissy, in my mind I'm still 21 years old UNTIL I look in a mirror and see the naked truth! I'm 54 and I look every year of it! And I'm 25 pounds over what would be optimum for my health and I look it. Uh huh. Mostly I'm okay with that and some days I'm just not.
Beware of what they call in recovery circles "comparison temper". It will leave you feeling weary and defeated. Are you feeling better? Do you have more energy? Are you fitting better into your clothes? Of course you are so DAMN the mirrors and keep up what you're doing. And I'll bet if you were to have some blood tests done that you'll find your blood glucose, triglycerides, and cholesterol all in better shape! I realize that this doesn't mean much to the average thirty-something but it starts to take on big meaning for fifty-somethings like me. You go, girl. Being 110 pounds and built like a stick does not always equal happiness. Love you, Sandra

Gerritt+Laura= Meagan and Madilynn said...

Caitie! I LOVE LOVE LOVE what you said! You are so insightful, just one of the reasons you are so amazing and lovable!

Sarah said...

I totally get where you're coming from about not wanting to look in the mirrors (espcially while working out)when you're standing next to tiny people. I've tried to start using the mirrors as a tool, to check my form while lifting weights, to see if I can lift higher or that my knees are bent right. When I focus on the aspect of what my body is doing and am I doing it safely, the mirrors can be very helpful. Plus if I'm looking really hard at me and my form I'm not noticing miss size 2 next to me unless it's to see that i'm lifting more weight than her.